A lesson in kindness

Dear Monkey,
I’ve been thinking a lot about judgemental-ness lately. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up, and honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t have a reason to be, of course. I have a job I am successful in (mostly), and I’m married to my best friend, and I have you, my beautiful, smart, funny baby girl. But my insecurities from way back when keep creeping up and kicking my butt. Add to that an article that was written recently that seems to imply that people are less inclined to look at babies with facial deformities like cleft lip and my confidence is shaken. Honestly, Monkey, my teenage years weren’t all the awesome. There was a lot of teasing, a lot of mockery, and a lot of feeling like I just didn’t fit in. It took college and finding a place to give me back the ability to feel like people could see beyond my flaws to who I really was. I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of cruel words and taunts and it hurt, tremendously, both in the moment and years later. It’s hard to forget the bad, and hard to remember the good. Isn’t that sad?

So, in thinking about all of this, I’ve also been thinking about you. About how I desperately want for you to find a place – whatever place – that makes you feel welcome and whole and part of a group. I don’t care if you’re “popular” and part of me would almost rather you weren’t, but I want you to have a group of friends who are, truly, your friends. I want you to be accepted for who you are. I want you to always think you are as beautiful as I think you are, and to be able to see yourself through my eyes. You are perfect, flawless, and wonderful, in my eyes.

I hope people are gentle with your spirit, and with your heart. I know you most likely won’t escape unscathed, and unhurt, but I hope that you emerge with your spirit intact and your knowledge of your essential worth held tight. You have WORTH, baby, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity, and respect. Always. No matter what. I hope that when you encounter people who suck, you will be able to stand up to them, and I hope daddy and I will have taught you how to stick up for yourself when you need to, and how to ask for help if you’re in over your head. I hope you can be proud of yourself, every day, and believe in yourself, always.

The other part of me worries that you will be on the other side of the table, that you might be tempted to tease, to poke fun. Please don’t. Be kind to people who have less then you, or who aren’t as cool, or as socially adept. I hope you will never participate in tearing down someones spirit in the name of fitting in. I hope you will always try to see the other side, and to show kindness and love and compassion. That doesn’t mean you have to like everyone, only that you continue to either respond with kindness or to remove yourself from the situation. I hope you always fight for the underdog and that you have the presence of mind and the clarity of conviction to not allow the people around you to be cruel. I know that’s a lot to ask. I know jr high and high school are hotbeds of doing things to be cool. Being mean is never cool. Being unkind or cruel says far more about you as a person then it does about the person on the receiving end, and it doesn’t say good things. That is a lesson I hope you learn early and reflect on often.

Right now, you have such a kind heart, sweet girl. You are welcoming, and loving and generous with your hugs and kisses and kindness. I hope against hope that your wonderful heart remains a part of you forever. You have made me a better person, Monkey. You have given me confidence and belief in myself. Your smile makes me realize that looks or jobs or success don’t matter as much when you have someone who believes you are the best thing since sliced bread. Thanks for making me a better person. Thanks for being who you are. I wouldn’t have you any other way.

I love you,
Mama