My beautiful girl. How are you two? It seems like yesterday that I was in the hospital to have you, and here you are.....
Today we had a family day - we went to Imagination Station, we went to the park, you took a nap on Daddy's lap, we ate crappy but yummy food, and you got a cookie and a cupcake. Oh, the cupcake! Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. You took the frosting, squished it in your fist and proceeded to lick it out from between your fingers -gross, but effective! :-)
You told us today that it was windy - another word we didn't know you knew. You told me the other day something was heavy. Daddy and I both wonder where you learn these things. You are trying to learn to jump and keep falling over while you do it. It's hilarious.
This past year, you have learned to walk and run, to say small words and to tell us what you want. You got introduced to time outs, even though you don't get them often. You started daycare and you LOVE going to "school". You love "the kids" and your teachers. You love the idea of dogs, but the actual dogs themselves freak. you. out. You love bubbles. You love to take your dolls for walks down the sidewalk and I'm pretty sure half the neighborhood is in love with you. You take long naps for everyone but me. I choose to take it as a compliment. You still wake up crying every morning. I don't know why. I wonder when you'll outgrow it. It will be bittersweet. You adore Nama and Grampa and love to spend time with them. You miss Aubrey and you guys are becoming good buddies. You're starting to play WITH your friends, instead of beside them. You love to help me clean up and you love sweeping my floor. Remember that in 10 years, okay? You love macaroni and cheese, and lots of other weird food. One of your favorites is sauerkraut. You sometimes walk like a penguin. You love the zoo. You love to swing and call them "whee"'s. You love Dr. Suess and hockey.
You are kind, and funny, and sweet, and curious and smart and creative and a good friend. You make me so incredibly proud.
I love you so much it's hard to explain. I love our days together and I miss you when you're not here. You are truly my favorite person to hang out with. I love that you love me. I love your hugs and "smooches" and your helpful spirit.
You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Your birth was the start of a new life for all of us - better, and richer, and more full. You are loved. So loved.
Happy Birthday, my sweet girl. So glad you were born.
Love always,
Mama
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A lesson in kindness
Dear Monkey,
I’ve been thinking a lot about judgemental-ness lately. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up, and honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t have a reason to be, of course. I have a job I am successful in (mostly), and I’m married to my best friend, and I have you, my beautiful, smart, funny baby girl. But my insecurities from way back when keep creeping up and kicking my butt. Add to that an article that was written recently that seems to imply that people are less inclined to look at babies with facial deformities like cleft lip and my confidence is shaken. Honestly, Monkey, my teenage years weren’t all the awesome. There was a lot of teasing, a lot of mockery, and a lot of feeling like I just didn’t fit in. It took college and finding a place to give me back the ability to feel like people could see beyond my flaws to who I really was. I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of cruel words and taunts and it hurt, tremendously, both in the moment and years later. It’s hard to forget the bad, and hard to remember the good. Isn’t that sad?
So, in thinking about all of this, I’ve also been thinking about you. About how I desperately want for you to find a place – whatever place – that makes you feel welcome and whole and part of a group. I don’t care if you’re “popular” and part of me would almost rather you weren’t, but I want you to have a group of friends who are, truly, your friends. I want you to be accepted for who you are. I want you to always think you are as beautiful as I think you are, and to be able to see yourself through my eyes. You are perfect, flawless, and wonderful, in my eyes.
I hope people are gentle with your spirit, and with your heart. I know you most likely won’t escape unscathed, and unhurt, but I hope that you emerge with your spirit intact and your knowledge of your essential worth held tight. You have WORTH, baby, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity, and respect. Always. No matter what. I hope that when you encounter people who suck, you will be able to stand up to them, and I hope daddy and I will have taught you how to stick up for yourself when you need to, and how to ask for help if you’re in over your head. I hope you can be proud of yourself, every day, and believe in yourself, always.
The other part of me worries that you will be on the other side of the table, that you might be tempted to tease, to poke fun. Please don’t. Be kind to people who have less then you, or who aren’t as cool, or as socially adept. I hope you will never participate in tearing down someones spirit in the name of fitting in. I hope you will always try to see the other side, and to show kindness and love and compassion. That doesn’t mean you have to like everyone, only that you continue to either respond with kindness or to remove yourself from the situation. I hope you always fight for the underdog and that you have the presence of mind and the clarity of conviction to not allow the people around you to be cruel. I know that’s a lot to ask. I know jr high and high school are hotbeds of doing things to be cool. Being mean is never cool. Being unkind or cruel says far more about you as a person then it does about the person on the receiving end, and it doesn’t say good things. That is a lesson I hope you learn early and reflect on often.
Right now, you have such a kind heart, sweet girl. You are welcoming, and loving and generous with your hugs and kisses and kindness. I hope against hope that your wonderful heart remains a part of you forever. You have made me a better person, Monkey. You have given me confidence and belief in myself. Your smile makes me realize that looks or jobs or success don’t matter as much when you have someone who believes you are the best thing since sliced bread. Thanks for making me a better person. Thanks for being who you are. I wouldn’t have you any other way.
I love you,
Mama
I’ve been thinking a lot about judgemental-ness lately. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up, and honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t have a reason to be, of course. I have a job I am successful in (mostly), and I’m married to my best friend, and I have you, my beautiful, smart, funny baby girl. But my insecurities from way back when keep creeping up and kicking my butt. Add to that an article that was written recently that seems to imply that people are less inclined to look at babies with facial deformities like cleft lip and my confidence is shaken. Honestly, Monkey, my teenage years weren’t all the awesome. There was a lot of teasing, a lot of mockery, and a lot of feeling like I just didn’t fit in. It took college and finding a place to give me back the ability to feel like people could see beyond my flaws to who I really was. I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of cruel words and taunts and it hurt, tremendously, both in the moment and years later. It’s hard to forget the bad, and hard to remember the good. Isn’t that sad?
So, in thinking about all of this, I’ve also been thinking about you. About how I desperately want for you to find a place – whatever place – that makes you feel welcome and whole and part of a group. I don’t care if you’re “popular” and part of me would almost rather you weren’t, but I want you to have a group of friends who are, truly, your friends. I want you to be accepted for who you are. I want you to always think you are as beautiful as I think you are, and to be able to see yourself through my eyes. You are perfect, flawless, and wonderful, in my eyes.
I hope people are gentle with your spirit, and with your heart. I know you most likely won’t escape unscathed, and unhurt, but I hope that you emerge with your spirit intact and your knowledge of your essential worth held tight. You have WORTH, baby, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity, and respect. Always. No matter what. I hope that when you encounter people who suck, you will be able to stand up to them, and I hope daddy and I will have taught you how to stick up for yourself when you need to, and how to ask for help if you’re in over your head. I hope you can be proud of yourself, every day, and believe in yourself, always.
The other part of me worries that you will be on the other side of the table, that you might be tempted to tease, to poke fun. Please don’t. Be kind to people who have less then you, or who aren’t as cool, or as socially adept. I hope you will never participate in tearing down someones spirit in the name of fitting in. I hope you will always try to see the other side, and to show kindness and love and compassion. That doesn’t mean you have to like everyone, only that you continue to either respond with kindness or to remove yourself from the situation. I hope you always fight for the underdog and that you have the presence of mind and the clarity of conviction to not allow the people around you to be cruel. I know that’s a lot to ask. I know jr high and high school are hotbeds of doing things to be cool. Being mean is never cool. Being unkind or cruel says far more about you as a person then it does about the person on the receiving end, and it doesn’t say good things. That is a lesson I hope you learn early and reflect on often.
Right now, you have such a kind heart, sweet girl. You are welcoming, and loving and generous with your hugs and kisses and kindness. I hope against hope that your wonderful heart remains a part of you forever. You have made me a better person, Monkey. You have given me confidence and belief in myself. Your smile makes me realize that looks or jobs or success don’t matter as much when you have someone who believes you are the best thing since sliced bread. Thanks for making me a better person. Thanks for being who you are. I wouldn’t have you any other way.
I love you,
Mama
Saturday, June 27, 2009
big shoes to fill
Dear Monkey,
Today was a really busy day! The highlights are that we went to the park, and out to dinner, and then Old Navy. Grandpa Jim and Onna and the kids came over too, and you seemed to find them really hilarious today... you laughed the whole time they were here. You are so lucky to have so many people who love you.
Tonight at Old Navy, Daddy was trying on some clothes and you and I were walking around the store. This is the first time I have really felt safe letting you walk without holding your hand, but you seemed so sure of your self. You went over to the shoe rack (a girl after her mama's heart for sure), and pulled off a pair of shoes and put them on the floor, and then sat down and took off your own shoes to try on the big shoes. I laughed a lot - you are such a smartie! You always suprise me with the things you know how to do.
Someday, your feet will be much bigger, and will actually fill up those big girl shoes. Someday soon, you won't need me to hold your hand at all. Part of me is excited and part of me dreads it. You are growing up so, so fast and I know I will miss this part of your life so much - you have such a joy and exuberance about you and I don't want you to lose it. But, on the other hand, I know you are destined for such big, wonderful things, and that the light and spirit that makes you, you will continue to shine so brightly even as you get older.
Oh, also.... you have learned how to give kisses over the last few days and I would like to state for the record.... no kissing boys until your 30. Maybe.
I love you,
Mama
Today was a really busy day! The highlights are that we went to the park, and out to dinner, and then Old Navy. Grandpa Jim and Onna and the kids came over too, and you seemed to find them really hilarious today... you laughed the whole time they were here. You are so lucky to have so many people who love you.
Tonight at Old Navy, Daddy was trying on some clothes and you and I were walking around the store. This is the first time I have really felt safe letting you walk without holding your hand, but you seemed so sure of your self. You went over to the shoe rack (a girl after her mama's heart for sure), and pulled off a pair of shoes and put them on the floor, and then sat down and took off your own shoes to try on the big shoes. I laughed a lot - you are such a smartie! You always suprise me with the things you know how to do.
Someday, your feet will be much bigger, and will actually fill up those big girl shoes. Someday soon, you won't need me to hold your hand at all. Part of me is excited and part of me dreads it. You are growing up so, so fast and I know I will miss this part of your life so much - you have such a joy and exuberance about you and I don't want you to lose it. But, on the other hand, I know you are destined for such big, wonderful things, and that the light and spirit that makes you, you will continue to shine so brightly even as you get older.
Oh, also.... you have learned how to give kisses over the last few days and I would like to state for the record.... no kissing boys until your 30. Maybe.
I love you,
Mama
Friday, June 26, 2009
Dear Monkeymoo....
Dear Monkeymoo,
I have always wanted to do this, to write you letters and memories so that you will always have something to look back on. Today, I am at work and you are at home with Daddy, and I can't stop wishing I was there, so I decided I would just start this instead.
You haven't been sleeping well lately, and I'm pretty tired today. I'm not sure what's up with you, but you woke up last night at 1:00 and just couldn't go back to sleep, so you got to come lay in our bed with us. I'll admit, almost entirely for selfish reasons..... if you were going to be awake, and I was going to be awake, I at least wanted to be horizontal. All night, every time I moved, you would shift over in your sleep so you were litterally pressed right up against me. Every once in a while, you would open you eyes, look at me, smile, and go right back to sleep. You woke up this morning wide awake and happy. You are a delightful, wonderful, cheerful kid, and I love every day with you.
We went to the pool for the first time yesterday and you loved it! I can't wait to go to the beach next month.... I think you will be a water baby for sure. We also went to look at a day care for you for when Daddy starts his new job, and it seems really nice. I am insanely conflicted when I think about leaving you in day care, but I hope you'll like it, and that the kids are nice to you. I hope you don't get bitten, and that you learn to take longer naps. I hope you learn your numbers and colors, but you've got a little while for that. No pressure.
I love you, Monkey!
Mama
I have always wanted to do this, to write you letters and memories so that you will always have something to look back on. Today, I am at work and you are at home with Daddy, and I can't stop wishing I was there, so I decided I would just start this instead.
You haven't been sleeping well lately, and I'm pretty tired today. I'm not sure what's up with you, but you woke up last night at 1:00 and just couldn't go back to sleep, so you got to come lay in our bed with us. I'll admit, almost entirely for selfish reasons..... if you were going to be awake, and I was going to be awake, I at least wanted to be horizontal. All night, every time I moved, you would shift over in your sleep so you were litterally pressed right up against me. Every once in a while, you would open you eyes, look at me, smile, and go right back to sleep. You woke up this morning wide awake and happy. You are a delightful, wonderful, cheerful kid, and I love every day with you.
We went to the pool for the first time yesterday and you loved it! I can't wait to go to the beach next month.... I think you will be a water baby for sure. We also went to look at a day care for you for when Daddy starts his new job, and it seems really nice. I am insanely conflicted when I think about leaving you in day care, but I hope you'll like it, and that the kids are nice to you. I hope you don't get bitten, and that you learn to take longer naps. I hope you learn your numbers and colors, but you've got a little while for that. No pressure.
I love you, Monkey!
Mama
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